Depression - Still Here pt 2

     So, I gave up all my friends when I settled down for the family life. I was the 1st one of my friends to have a child & get married. The few times I did get together with my friends it seemed like they were still living like we did in college. And I just couldn't do that anymore. I was a douche bag then & my wife & child deserved better than that. I was tired of it & I deserved better than that. My wife didn't make me give them up, she didn't say anything negative about their dickish behavior. It was all me, my choice, I didn't need anyone but my family.
    Well, my mom & pop live in Florida. I don't get to see them that much, maybe once a year for a week. My bro & I live in New York. Well, my brother & I were really close at one time. But now we're not. And that's all I gotta say about that. My wife's family became my family. Her daughter from a previous relationship became my daughter, her 2 brothers were my brothers & her mother & father treated me as one of them. I was accepted. One brother passed away it was devastating, we were kin, he was my best friend. When my wife & I parted, her family kinda went away as well. In truth, I didn't try too hard to keep those relationships going. My sadness & lack of motion kept me from wanting to socialize. I didn't wanna be Mr Sad Sack so I removed myself from life for awhile. I tell people it was my regrouping time. But that's bullshit, I just couldn't face.....anything.
     This may seem like self indulgent rambling to some, a pointless diatribe against life to others & some may see it as kind of a pity party, a feel bad for me search for validation. Believe me, the truth is somewhere in the mix. But who knows, maybe someone can relate & learn something from my experiences. The coolest would be if someone learned some shit from me & it led to them making the correct choice for themselves in life. Bully for you son. Or maybe, just maybe, someone will see that when the despair eventually goes away (& I promise it will), there is always the next chance for happiness & the next big thing in life. I don't wanna deprive myself of happiness. I don't wanna postpone joy. I don't wanna miss out when the next opportunity presents itself (& I promise, it will). I'm here, writing this, sharing a moment in time with anyone that may read this as my recollection, my outlook, my take on the whole phase that I'm now experiencing. If I was watching late night tv & a certain hit urban 70's programs came on & asked me "What's Happening?", I'd have to reply "This. This is what's happening. It's what's happening now." Was that too long of a walk for not enough payoff. Sounds like I just described how I feel at times.