My ex wife (not legally my ex, we're separated not divorced) is a wonderful woman. She's sweet, beautiful, kind, funny as all get out, smart & an amazing cook. She's also got another side that I tended to bring out & that was what drove us apart. I'm guilty, she's guilty. In the end, who cares? I still adore that woman. She could & still can make me do anything, not by force or anything, just by my choice of wishing to make her happy still.
Truth be told, I'm alive because of her. When I was single I wasn't what one would call an upstanding citizen. I think I'm kinda a degenerate now, but before her, I was a time bomb. The crap I put into my body, the situations I put myself in, the shit I tried to pull on an everyday basis. If you were my friend, you were like a shower...golden. But if I didn't know or like you, if you had something I wanted...I was a bit scummy at times. I honestly feel like I owe her my life, I don't think that I'd be alive today if not for her. She made me wanna do right, she made me wanna wake up just so I could be with her the next day. I no longer drink because of her (thank you Rita). I'm not addicted to anything anymore (thanks again Rita). I have a beautiful, smart & kind daughter (huge thanks Rita). I truly believe I owe so much to that woman. She may be a petite little thang (not that she's an object, I mean thang as a 1960's ish term of endearment) but she put me in line for all the right reasons. I'm 6 foot & she's 4 foot 2. When I held her, I felt like a man & I had only one job & that was to protect her. & love her. & let her know how special & important she was. Ok so I guess it was more than one job, but I digest (yeah I know). Listen, not all of my jokes, puns or shots at the funny are gonna pay off but at least I'm out there trying.
ANYWAY, like I was saying, she was special, she meant the world to me. It sux that we're not together anymore but it's for the best. We're pretty decent friends now, we don't hang out on a regular basis but we get together a few times a week & talk openly & honestly about our lives. We've never had to go to court for alimony, child support or custody (I have a daughter & she can't learn female things from me). She never saw the point in getting married, we were both against the whole legal paper stupidity of it all. If you're both committed to each other then why the fuk does the state have to have anything to do with our relationship? I always felt (& still do) that if I ever was gonna get married that I could & would never find a better person to be my wife. She just got me, what I was all about & she saw thru the stupidity of me as a man. So eventually I did ask her to be my wife & she realized that the whole marriage thing was something I decided I did wanna do & she blessed me by accepting my request. I'm glad I married that woman, we had a really good run. I'm happy she said yes to me & changed her mind about marriage to make my wish come true. It's all about the compromises. Our time together was full of situations that one of us did for the other what they wanted versus our own desires. We did things to make the other happy. She always made me feel special & blessed by her being in my life, by being my wife & I like to believe that I did the same for her.
Now after awhile we just couldn't get past some situations that eventually arose so we had to part. There was a period of anger, dislike (maybe even bordering on lite hatred) & we were no longer wishing to give in to each others differences, beliefs or desires which became demands at times. She knew she had to go. Eventually I recognized what she knew, our union was dissolving & keeping it together became a losing battle. I didn't put up a fight when she said she was leaving me, it was the best thing for both of us & her decision once again proved that she was right as usual. & it's probably what makes us able to have a pretty good relationship now.
She, nor I, see the point in going thru a divorce either, waste of money & time. Shit, when I die, I want her to get all my stuff (monies, pension & my collection of crap (dvds, records & my 20 plus RAMONES t-shirts). She always looked good wearing my t-shirts. & I don't ever plan on getting a divorce from her, not for nobody. Now I'm not saying I'll never get married again but I'm not getting divorced. If my next lady wants to get married & I'm cool with it, alright, sure lets get married new honey. But it's never gonna really count because I'm not getting divorced. I still can't ever picture that there would ever be any other woman that would make a better wife for me. We may not be together anymore, but she will forever be my wife. Now that's not to say that I wouldn't grant her a divorce if she wanted it. I would never want to stand in the way of her happiness so if she wanted to go thru with getting divorced, I would have to go thru with it. She deserves whatever she wants & I will do whatever she wishes. I've always told her, "AS YOU WISH." & I still mean it. I feel that if I can't be her husband anymore then I'm gonna be the best god damn ex I can be. She deserves all the best she can get & I'm gonna do my part to make sure she gets it. I told you all, she's one special lady & she rocks me. God damn I love that woman.
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